The Irony of Self-Care: Holding Space for Others While Struggling to Hold It for Myself
As an esthetician, I spend my days encouraging others to slow down, prioritize themselves, and invest in their well-being—yet, if I’m being completely honest, doing the same for myself often feels impossible.
I know I’m not alone in this. Why is it so easy to pour into others and so hard to do the same for ourselves?
Especially as women, as mothers, caregivers, business owners, and nurturers—we are conditioned to put everyone else first. We convince ourselves that once we get through the to-do list, once the house is clean, once our kids are taken care of, once work is handled—then, maybe, we’ll find time for ourselves.
But the truth is, that moment rarely comes.
The Psychology Behind Neglecting Ourselves
There’s an actual psychological and biological reason why self-care feels so difficult to prioritize. Research shows that:
✔ Mothers and caregivers experience "empathic distress," meaning we feel the needs of others so deeply that we override our own.
✔ Dopamine (our brain’s reward chemical) spikes when we help others, reinforcing the habit of care-taking while neglecting personal needs.
✔ Societal conditioning has taught women that self-sacrifice is noble, making self-care feel indulgent rather than necessary.
And yet, we know—deep in our bones—that we can’t pour from an empty cup.
As a single mom raising a teenage daughter while running a business, I feel this truth every single day. I’m stretched between being present for my clients, my daughter, my business, my home, and somewhere in the mess of it all… me.
Some days, self-care feels like just one more thing to add to an already overwhelming list. And yet, I know if I don’t take those moments—if I don’t slow down and replenish myself—I have nothing left to give.
The Beauty of Holding Space—for Others and Ourselves
Ironically, the very work I do—the beauty treatments, the facials, the lash lifts, the brow shaping, the spray tans—heals me as much as it heals my clients.
The space I’ve created at Finesse Esthetics in Bend, Oregon is more than just a beauty studio. It’s a place where my clients come to exhale, to be heard, to feel cared for. And in doing that—in caring for them—I find a piece of myself again, too.
Because self-care isn’t just about treatments; it’s about connection. It’s about those moments when we let our guard down, when we laugh, vent, and talk about real life—not just the curated version of it.
I hear my clients talk about their kids, their relationships, their dreams, their frustrations. And as they share their struggles, I find comfort in the fact that I’m not alone in mine.
This work is reciprocal. It’s healing. It’s a reminder that we’re all just doing our best—and sometimes, doing our best looks like booking that facial, getting that spray tan, or taking just one hour to be taken care of, instead of taking care of everyone else.
Why Self-Care, Even When It Feels Small, Is Everything
We tend to think of self-care as an elaborate, time-consuming luxury—but it’s not. It’s small moments of choosing ourselves even when it feels like there’s no time to.
✔ It’s booking the facial even when your brain tells you it’s "just skincare."
✔ It’s saying yes to the spray tan, not because you need it, but because it makes you feel radiant and alive.
✔ It’s prioritizing that one hour of self-care, knowing that the energy you carry afterward ripples outward to everyone around you.
Because here’s the thing—energy is contagious.
When you feel good, you show up differently. You vibrate higher. You parent with more patience. You navigate your day with more grace. You interact with others with more warmth.
That ripple effect is real.
And when life feels heavy—when the world outside feels chaotic, when we’re stretched thin and burnt out—sometimes, the smallest act of self-care is what anchors us.
A Safe Space to Just Be
The beauty industry often gets dismissed as “frivolous,” but let me tell you—what happens in my studio is anything but.
My clients don’t just come for treatments—they come for a space to breathe, to talk, to be heard. I know that when they leave, they feel lighter—not just because they love their skin or their glow, but because they feel cared for.
And that? That matters.
Because we all deserve a space where we can show up exactly as we are—messy, tired, radiant, strong, struggling, thriving—all of it.
So, if you’ve been putting off self-care, if you’ve been telling yourself you’ll get to it later—this is your reminder: you deserve it now.
Not because you’ve earned it.
Not because you’ve checked off everything on your to-do list.
Not because it makes you more beautiful.
But because you are worthy of being cared for.
And if you don’t believe that yet? Come in, sit down, take a deep breath. Let me remind you.
Book Your Self-Care Moment in Bend, Oregon
Whenever you’re ready—whether you need a glow, a facial, a brow refresh, or just a space to be held for an hour—I’m here.
Because self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity. And you, my dear, deserve it more than you know.